2012 Head for the Cure: Register now and save

Last May about 80 people joined the Run for Steve Damm team and participated in the inaugural Head for the Cure 5K in Frisco.

It was an inspiring day! Cooper, Katie and I loved being surrounded by so many family members and friends in an effort to raise money to defeat brain tumors.

Registration is now open for the 2012 Head for the Cure 5K. I have already registered me, Cooper and Katie on the Run for Steve Damm team, and I hope at least 100 folks will join us.

If you register before this Sunday, you'll save $5 on registration.

The details:

• Head for the Cure 5K (and fun run for children)
• Money raised goes to Brain Tumor Trials Collaborative in an effort to defeat brain tumors.
• 8 a.m., Saturday, May 12, 2012 (with separate start times for runners and walkers -- you don't have to be a runner to join us!)
• Frisco Square, Frisco, Texas
• When you register, choose the team option and choose "Run for Steve Damm"
• Click here to read more about the event.
• Click here to begin registration.
• Email Tyra at tyradamm@gmail.com if you have any questions!

Merry Christmas!

The perfect antidote to missing Steve on our third Christmas without him: these two spirited, joyful, sweet souls. Eighteen years ago today, Steve asked me to marry him. I thought his proposal was the best Christmas gift I could ever receive. That was before we had Cooper and Katie and the realization that children are perpetually the best gifts.

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We discovered this note and a stocking filled with goodies for me on the front porch this morning. Thank you, mysterious elf!

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Cooper this morning: "I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like." (pause) "I'll bet Daddy is dancing right now."

Worldly wise

This blog launched four years ago today.

Thank you, dear blog readers, for being a part of our lives the past four years. Thank you for praying with us and for us, for voting on names for the despicable tumor and Steve's snazzy walker, for posting notes of encouragement and advice.

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Last night I was working on deadline from home, waiting for a certain football game to end so that I could copy edit a news story about the (ultimately disappointing) game. While waiting, I exchanged text messages with Julie.

I noted that exactly four years ago at that moment, I was on the phone with someone -- could have been one of any number of kind people I called to "interview" that night -- to gather information about what to do about a mass in Steve's brain stem.

I talked to doctors and journalists and cancer survivors and brain tumor survivors. Not a single one a stranger. Everyone of them a friend. (One of countless signs of God in the midst of the crisis.)

Cooper was 6. Katie was 2.

Katie at 6 now is so different than Coop at 6 then. She is exponentially more wise to the world now than he was then.

She learned at a young age how to adjust to changes -- different people helping with preschool drop-off and pick-up, nap and bedtime routines. Our circle of caregivers necessarily grew to trusted folks -- family members and friends who are family.

Her memories of life before Steve's cancer are fuzzy, mostly limited to family stories and photos.

She grew up thinking that it's normal for a parent to spend days at a time in a hospital or weeks at a time in a hospital bed at home. And that it's typical for a parade of generous people to deliver dinners and pecan pie.

She's learned that in crisis, we rely on strength from within and on help from loved ones and on strength from God.

She knows that death is inevitable. That death is permanent. That life is extra special.

My friend Kerith reminded me tonight that while Katie is more worldly wise, she's also stronger than she would have been otherwise.

To be honest, I would have preferred she gain her strength an entirely different way. But I'm also thankful that of the many possible directions our lives could have taken after Steve's death, this is the direction we're in. That I get to be Katie's mom and Cooper's mom. That I am allowed to guide these two worldly wise and strong souls.

Cooper & Katie, Dec. 11, 2011

On Steve's bench, Holy Covenant UMC, Carrollton

Strength

Looming on my calendar: Dec. 11 and the words "First MRI day."

Dec. 11, 2007, was the day that Steve and I stood next to a radiologist in a dark room at Baylor Frisco and stared at an image showing a lesion in Steve's brain stem.

Since that day I have had a handful of breakdowns -- moments in which I was unable to function. These breakdowns lasted at most 20 minutes.

The first was just after Steve's biopsy, when the neurosurgeon explained to me and Steve's parents and brother that preliminary results indicated a grade IV glioblastoma, a diagnosis that offered very, very little hope. My sobs in the middle of an M.D. Anderson waiting room were uncontrollable.

The last (so far) was in the moments after Steve died. And a few hours later, when I woke from an involuntary nap and realized all over again that Steve had died.

I've made countless mistakes in the past four years. I've cried more days than I haven't. I've complained to the folks who I know don't mind listening to my complaints.

Still, I marvel at the strength that has propelled me through the past four years, more than half of it now without my person, my Steve, by my side.

It's strength that I know, without question, comes from God.

This morning I led my junior high Sunday school class through a lesson on prayer. We talked about the power of prayer, not in terms of what it moves God to do but what it moves us to do.

We talked about a two-way conversation with God, in which we pray and then listen for God's response.

Of my many prayers this week, one is thanksgiving for a never-ceasing supply of strength. Another is thanksgiving for God's steadfastness and consistency and endurance while we struggle with turmoil and tragedy and uncertainty.

I hope to do a better-than-usual job of waiting for God's reply.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

(Philippians 4:13)

Couples bunco

I've been part of a neighborhood bunco group, started by friend Jackie, for more than six years. 

2008 version of our group

Twelve women meet in someone's home once a month. We visit, eat dinner and then roll dice. Winners and the biggest losers take home prizes.

It's been a wonderful way to turn neighbors into friends. (In fact, this circle of friends was integral in supporting our family while Steve was ill and while we mourned his death.)

December is always couples bunco. Husbands come along for the feast and stay to play, with spouses alternating turns at the table.

Steve loved couples bunco. He loved visiting with neighbors and being silly and working hard to roll three sixes.

I no longer love couples bunco, in the same way that I don't love parties at which I'm the only one without a significant other. Steve was definitely the more social member of this marriage. He thrived on interaction with lots of people, whereas I'm often exhausted by it. (In Myers-Briggs lingo, he was an E and I am an I.)

But I don't dread it this year like I did in 2009. I really am happy to go and visit and eat and roll some dice.

As I was pushing Cooper toward bed tonight, I told him that bunco is tomorrow night.

"Is it couples bunco?" he asked.

"Yes!"

"Oh, Mommy, I'm sorry."

"Why? I'm looking forward to it."

"Well, 'cause you know, Daddy. You don't have Daddy to go with you."

At this moment I was thinking of how sensitive my 10-year-old son is. And then ...

"I mean, everyone else will be hugging all the time and you won't have anyone to hug."

At this moment I burst into laughter, imagining what Cooper must think couples bunco is all about.

Steve would have laughed, too.

Found

We spent most of Thanksgiving break at Rich and Ami's home in Austin. (You can read about our traditional-yet-evolving feast here.)

On Friday we were joined by Tim and Cheryl and most of their crew of (adult) kids and grandkids. It was wonderful to spend time with family members we hadn't seen in a while. Cousin Jamie gave me an old photo (circa 1999, we think) that I'd never seen. 

The photo was taken in the Morgan's Point Resort living room of my beloved grandparents. Our theory is that we were playing charades -- it looks like Melane is writing phrases and Steve is thinking of phrases to write. (Games were a big part of life at Gramma and Grandpa's house.)

I love the photo for so many reasons, including some noted here. (You'll need to click on the photo for a larger view to appreciate all the details.) (And I've labeled the dolls as Barty & Batista, but that may actually be Antonio, not Barty.)

Thankful

On this third Thanksgiving without Steve, I am thankful for the children we share and 17 years of memories to last a lifetime and love that lives.

And I miss Steve. 

43 acts of kindness (part 19)

Here are some of the acts of kindness that Cooper, Katie and I performed in memory of our sweet, mischievous, amazing Steve.

On the eve of Steve's 43rd birthday, Katie wrote a note to her Daddy, attached it to a balloon and released it to the night sky.

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Gave gift cards to cashiers at Target, Lowe's and Kroger.

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Katie left stickers in the Bledsoe front office for younger siblings who visit school.

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Cooper left a candy bar in a friend's desk.

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Cooper gave a Big Game Iowa football to a huge Iowa fan. (Special thanks to the Calandros for the football.)

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Delivered plants to a nearby nursing home and asked that they be given to two residents who need a little extra cheer.

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Katie crisscrossed our street on the way to school and moved newspapers from front lawns to front doors. (It was really cold that morning!)

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Bought coffee for strangers throughout the week.

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Handed out bottles of water to folks we met throughout the day.

43 acts of kindness (part 18)

I'm leaving a Whole Foods gift card in my mailbox for our letter carrier today.  She always is so nice and I don't thank her enough for what she does. 


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I have been bad about my acts of kindness, cuz we've been mostly the recipients of superawesome kindness for the past week.

We lost power at 6:30 on Saturday, the 29th and still don't have it back. Aaaaahhhhh. And we're on well water, so with no power, we have no water.

But we've been bunking up at Alicia's fancy all-girls boarding school that's on generator power. There's a building on campus that was a dorm at some point and they're renovating it. It's like a little house, but there's no furniture. We're in a bedroom on air mattresses. For a few days, we stayed at some people's apartment on the floor which was so nice of them.

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We were sick on the day of your acts of kindness challenge ... but we participated as a group with our Community Bible Study today. In one of the activities, the Community Bible Study children made a Thanksgiving card for a person in a nursing home. This went with the lesson on friends helping the paralytic get near to Jesus by being lowered through the roof. The cards were given to Crestview patients after leaders' meeting on Tuesday.

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Jamie and I were touched by your suggestion of 43 Acts of Kindness for Steve's birthday and wanted to get in on the action.

Our friend Brittney is a single mom with two sweet little boys, Trey (second grade) and Brady (kindergarten). Both little boys have battled health problems over the past couple of years. Most recently, Trey, who suffers from epileptic seizures, spent 4 days in the hospital going through tests.

To bring a little fun and relief into their lives, Jamie and I provided them with a gift certificate to Studio Movie Grill along with some cash for treats while they enjoy their movie.

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Gave away a bunch of old electronics (cd players, &c.) to anybody who walked by. It was like a Garage Free.


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Bought coffees for my loyal PTO former officers who helped us run a very successful Fall Festival this weekend. Just as a little thank you.

Also, chased down and returned our new next door neighbor's (cute as a button) dog who escaped through their fence. A sweet little schnauzer girl named Reese :)


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My husband paid for pizza for the family behind him at Papa John's.

43 acts of kindness (part 17)

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Act 1.  Took some dog toys and left them at the dog park for our furry friends.

Act 2.  Took my son's backpack up to school when he forgot it and didn't get on to him.

Act 3.  Donating clothes to Goodwill


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I took my daughter and dog for a walk yesterday. We just started off walking but a large branch had fallen down in a neighbor's yard so I moved it close to the street and decided to pick up the trash I found on the ground.  I explained this to my daughter as my arms filled with trash.  We also threw newspapers to front porches.  Then we went to the park and continued trash pick up.  I enjoyed the work and we got a laugh when Rachel commented on pieces of pink boas (left over from the Komen walk), saying that must have been a strange looking bird!

I also learned to be prepared next time with gloves and a bag, trash is nasty!

Thank you again and happy birthday to Steve!


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I know Steve's birthday is over, but the kids and I are still doing the things we didn't have time for on Friday but wanted to do for the occasion. Ben and I made fudge yesterday, Lil and I just delivered some to both of our new neighbors. Ben and I let the older gentleman behind us go in front of us at the store yesterday. 


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Since I'm living in France, I was struggling with a way to perform a random act of kindness here. The culture is a bit different - no tips to double, no drive-through Starbucks to pay for the car behind you, no mailman from my childhood home to bake cookies for. I was waiting all day for the opportunity to present itself, and by evening, I was disappointed that I hadn't done anything! That night, my best friend from home called me; we hadn't talked on the phone or on Skype in weeks (both of our schedules have been busy). I had plans that evening, but got home as quickly as possible in order to call her back on Skype to be there for her as she told me about a tragic event that had occurred the day before to a family that she knows. Although it wasn't random, and it wasn't really a specific act of kindness, it was a reminder of the friendship I have with this dear friend of mine and that being there for your friends, even when busy, is a very important thing to do.


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We missed Friday but I wanted to let you know that our family will be participating in the acts of kindness tomorrow. (Finn was a bit under the weather.) We are spending the evening baking and going to deliver some goodies to our school crossing guards. Both gentlemen are in their 70s and are out there every day rain or shine making sure our kiddos in our school are safe. Always smiling and waving to everyone that passes by early in the morning or late in the afternoon. We will be doing this in memory of Steve. I have loved reading all of the inspiring stories and so many of them have brought tears to my eyes. 


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My family went to dinner at Olive Garden Friday evening and as we were leaving, my daughter and husband held open the doors for several families and one large group entering the restaurant, giving the wait staff a much needed break during their busiest time.  The really cool thing about it was, I never really explained to them what I had signed up for.  It just happened, like it was meant to be.  Watching them doing an act of kindness on their own and without knowing the reason behind the mission helped me more deeply appreciate Katie and Cooper’s vision to honor Steve in this way. 


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I gave an extra coupon to a shopper behind me at JoAnn's. And I gave two tickets to the Dallas Symphony to a friend who always does so much for others.

43 acts of kindness (part 16)

I bought a bottle of water for an older gentleman in a wheelchair in the Munich airport. Mr. Donnelly was headed to Los Angeles.

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Well, I didn't forget about Nov 4 ... but have had no Internet access since 1 week ago - good and bad thing. Finally back from Nepal and wanted to share what I did for Steve's bday .... though I did it a day early just in case.

I donated to a school child in the mountains of Nepal along my trek. While there is still some question/doubt as to where all of the money will go, I know that it will be with someone who needs it far more then myself.

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My 3yo twins and I made cookies for the local police & firefighters in honor of you, your husband and your family. They were very grateful. 

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We took snacks to the young girl working RV lot at OU.  It was very cold and windy and she looked bored and cold.  She was so happy and surprised that someone thought of her. 

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I was so excited to take part in the way that you, Cooper and Katie were honoring the life of Steve. I heard of how people were buying lunch, coffee and breakfast treats for friends, co-workers and total strangers, hoping to get a good idea of my own for my intended act of kindness. I was thinking about doing several different things but not really coming up with the right one for me.   I was sitting in the front office at school and I heard over the walkie talkie a call for Maria to unclog a toilet. I thought of the number of times throughout the day that she is called upon to do some undesireable clean-up job and I knew at that moment that she was the one that I wanted to do something for. I thought about lunch but she has to eat at 10:00am! I decided that I wanted to do something that is just for her and something to make her feel good. I decided to get her a gift certificate for a pedicure massage.   At the end of the day on Friday while she was putting away the cafeteria chairs I went to her and gave her the gift card, and she looked at me with this stunned look in her eyes and said "but why?" I said "Just because." She gave me a big hug and tears came to both of our eyes. It  was such a tender moment with very few words said but we were both affected. *** Allowed people with less items than me ahead in line at grocery. Also helped an elderly woman who was unstable on her feet from car to cart after she parked near me. Made me feel good. :-) ***

Decided I would buy lunch for who ever ended up behind me in line. The person in front of me was taking longer, so he let me in front. Little did he know that his act of kindness of letting me go first would earn him a free lunch : )

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My friend Shelli Hardy also participated in 43 Acts of Kindness in memory of Steve. She donated blood and told me about the blood drive at the college she is attending which I where I donated blood. Shelli bought a Subway gift card and gave it to a student who truly needed it. So many people have been positively affected by these acts of kindness!!! :-)

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Took donuts to a meeting in Steve's name.

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Cupcakes for Dylan's employees and coins at the Coke and candy machines at kids' school.
Dylan did a vending machine blitz at his work too.

At the O'Connor High School pep rally, I paid for 3 extra spirit ribbons after I bought 1 for Carys.

43 acts of kindness (part 15)

We were at IKEA and a gal with 3 carts full of stuff checked out in front of me and the two girls. She was alone and there was no one there to help her. Long story short....we helped her get everything out and packed into her car. She must have said thank you twenty times, and even said how floored she was that we would help her out like that. It was less than five minutes of my life, but no doubt made an impact on her, and more importantly, my girls.

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Brought cake and milk to our neighborhood firemen.

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We cleaned up (washed/dryed/etc.) alot of my 4 year old daughter's toys (she even selected many) and donated to two preschools/headstart programs. It was a wonderful thing to do because there are so many unfortunate children out there.

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I do hope turning up at my parents house to help them lift the carpet (unprompted by them) today, is a small acknowledgement of a man's life.

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Helping Mommy cook dinner without being asked!

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Delivered a slice of pie to my hairdresser.

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I went to a Starbucks in McKinney. I left a gift card because there wasn’t anyone in line. They showed us as we left. So cool to see them give it to them!!!

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Paid for an aviation student to continue flight hours.

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Alyssa wanted to let you know that she went shopping for toys to donate to Toys for Tots. 

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I put together a care package full of canned food and snacks for friend's son who is stationed with the Marines in Afghanistan who only gets MREs (meals ready to eat) in his compound.

43 acts of kindness (part 14)

Treats for current and previous teachers in honor of Steve

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Buying breakfast for the car behind us at Chick-fil-A

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Donated $25 for phone cards for the troops at Sport Clips.

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David shaved his head in honor of his brother Tim, who is getting a bone marrow transplant for multiple myleoma.

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For our acts of kindness to honor Steve I started the day like a lot of people, by paying for the car behind me at Starbucks. I was at the one at Legacy and Lebanon, and she had already had a lot of cars there before me doing the same thing and starting chain reactions.

Throughout the day I tried to find as many ways as possible to hold the door, let people into traffic, etc.

Gracie and I discussed cancer and the different routes it can take, and she decided to grow her hair out for Locks of Love in honor of Katie's daddy.

Our acts culminated with the family delivering handmade cards and a Kroger gift card to the fire station near our house to help them stock their kitchen. Pictures of that to follow.

Thanks for allowing us to be a part of such a special day - I have been moved to tears every time I read your updated blog and see the different ways this has manifested itself. Very, very cool. Steve is very proud, of this I am certain.

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I took a friend dinner. She just had knee replacement surgery.

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Our recipient is a neighbor who always puts others before herself. She is a kind and generous person who's health has recently been compromised. We made her family Aunt Ami's homemade chicken tortilla soup. We made a gift basket with some other yummy groceries including fruit, muffins and a pumpkin cheesecake. Happy Birthday, Steve!  We love and miss you, and feel blessed to get to be a part of your 43rd Birthday Celebration!

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Donated to Salvation Army outside of Hobby Lobby in honor of your Steve! :)

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A paper bat for a friend who loves bats.

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Katelyn chose to overlook a classmate’s error. She took her pencil without knowing it was Katelyn’s, and Katelyn let her keep it.

She also invited a neighbor/classmate over to play because he had had a bad day at school.

43 acts of kindness (part 13)

Paying it forward at Mickey d's in Forney! This is lovanzar the ups man I bought breakfast for... What a blessing to have the opportunity to share someone's legacy... Happy birthday Steve!

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I just finished making cookies to take to Tara's studio group where all the studious architects-to-be work all day and all night! Vegan Mexican Hot Chocolate Snickerdoodles. :)

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My daughter and I picked up trash in the common area around our neighborhood after school today.

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I was a coupon fairy...left coupons on products at the store for others to use.

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Paid for the person behind me at the drive thru and gave our kids preschool teachers Starbucks gift cards. Great idea....have never met Steve or you, but have kept up with you and your family on the blog. I'm good friends with Laura Healy. Thinking of you today.

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Tyra, I thought you'd want to know that in addition to my official Act of Kindness, I'm also laying out a double truck today, for Steve and his love of the term "double truck."

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The kids are donating their 200-plus box top collection to a grandmother who works at Kroger to give to her grandson. She had told me a few weeks ago that his school (in an underprivileged area) give the kids credit for what they bring in to purchase school supplies. She was off yesterday and has not come in yet today but are hoping to catch her tonight :-)  We also bought McDonalds for the car behind us!  

Such a good feeling to give and especially in Steve's honor. The kids loved seeing the people smiling in the car behind us as they read the note.

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There is a small karate studio in the East Dallas neighborhood where I live and they were having a fundraiser for St. Jude's Children's Hospital yesterday. All these sweet little kids in their karate uniforms waving homemade signs and not getting much of a response (this is a pretty poor neighborhood). I dropped 20.00 in their basket and they were so excited, you would have thought I had written them a check for 1000.00 dollars.

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I sent the crocheted afghan in the picture (along with a Steve card) to a college student. She is a freshman and in need of some extra kindness.

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For our act of kindness in honor of Steve, my kids and I baked cookies for our postal worker.  Then Andrew decided he wanted to give some to his baseball coach today.  What a wonderful memory we have made!  Happy Birthday Steve!!

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I'm Amy Randle, Jana Shilson's sister.  I saw some friends post on Facebook about the Random Acts of Kindness in memory of your husband, and I couldn't resist the urge to participate.  Although I don't know you personally, my heart breaks for the suffering you and your family have and continue to endure.  I fought tears the entire way to Starbucks as I thought about you. My act of kindness was to pay for the person's coffee behind me. Jana passed along the notes they used for their acts at Bledsoe, so I printed one out and passed it along.  Please know that even miles away in Ozark, Missouri, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

43 acts of kindness (part 12)

We bought holiday gift cards for some families living in a fixed income senior apartment complex.

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My name is Katie Walker. I am a friend of Jen Mango's and have followed your blog for the last few years. I met Steve briefly at the Kick the Damm Spot event at Fieldhouse. Anyway, I wanted to let you, Cooper, and Katie know that today at Starbucks I paid for the person behind me in line. They then paid for the person behind them. (The Starbucks worker said a few others had done the same already in Steve's name today and they thought it was such a cool thing!) Though we have never met you were all in my thoughts today.

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Found my act of kindness late this evening. Helped a hard-working waitress have a good weekend.

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I was at a state client site today and unfortunately the government might think "act of kindness" looked like "bribe", (silly but true) so I made a donation to the Alive! Alexandria foundation for their childcare program.

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I bought dinner for dinner for seven people last night and delivered it to their home. Honored to be a part of 43 Acts of Kindness.

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I bought dessert for a woman and girl about KT's age tonight at Panera. The cashier thought it was an awesome idea.

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Mackenzie and I bought dinner for the car behind us at McDonald's, in Steve's name. They gave us our order for free as well. That was unexpected.

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Had to get new brakes today. :( Decided to make cupcakes for the mechanics while they worked on my car. When I came to pick it up I thanked them for all their hard work and they were SO surprised and appreciative of the treats. Turned something that would have normally been kind of bitter experience into such a positive one. Thank you (Steve) for the inspiration!

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My son, Joey, and I dropped off cupcakes at the Plano Fire Station 4 for Steve (along with the letter) and at the Frisco Central Fire Station for my mom, whose 73rd birthday would have been today.

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Spent time helping a 7th-grader whose sister was killed two weeks ago while crossing the street.

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My random acts of kindness today in memory of Steve Birthday was treats for Ryan's teacher (as you can see in the picture) and taking his buddy to school because their mom was busy tending to a sick family & lastly treating neighbors to a latte this afternoon. All in your name Steve. Happy Birthday, I'm sure Birthdays in heaven are delightful!