One

I am in the process of refinancing the mortgage on our house. (Interest rates are incredibly low right now.)

It's an emotional experience for a few reasons:

• When the process is complete, the title of the home will be in my name only. I probably should have removed Steve's name before now but it hasn't been a priority. Just after he died, there were lots of actions I had to take. I focused on those, and I haven't been diligent about following up on the rest.
• Unlike every other loan I've signed since 1994, this one requires just one signature. Only mine. Before I was the co-borrower, always the second signer. I miss Steve's inscrutable scribble at the bottom of every page. (He walked me through the progression of his signature on our first date on July 4, 1992, after he signed the credit card receipt at dinner.)
• Compiling the necessary paperwork for a post-2008 home mortgage is a lot of work. It's the kind of work that Steve and I would have shared. I should add that (1) it was miraculous that I was able to locate our original survey from 2002 and (2) I am thankful that my CPA keeps good records.
• Big financial decisions were shared decisions in our marriage. I miss the ongoing discussions we would have about our goals and the future.

I do take comfort in knowing that I'm capable of these decisions on my own and that Steve would be proud of me.