Thursday, November 12, 2009

Katie's song

The three of us have been battling colds and coughs and sinus infections for a few days now. Cooper stayed home from school Monday (his favorite school day) with a painful cough and asthma-like symptoms. Before his doctor's appointment, we had mine.

The physician's assistant was asking all kinds of questions about Steve (medical providers are particularly curious about onset of symptoms) during my appointment. She commented that life must be difficult for Cooper but that maybe my 4-year-old doesn't really know what's going on.

I tried not to laugh out loud. Maybe the PA doesn't have children and doesn't understand what 4-year-olds are like?

How could Katie not understand what's going on? For almost half of her life, her beloved Daddy was fighting cancer and then he died. His absence is heavy on all of us every day. Thankfully, Katie isn't reserved about expressing her emotions.

She frequently talks about his status as an angel and wonders what he's doing RIGHT NOW in heaven. Is he wearing clothes? Who is he playing with? She and Cooper both frequently ask God and Jesus to say hi to Daddy and to give him hugs.

This morning before preschool she sat at the piano and declared that she would sing a song about Daddy. But in this song she would pretend that Daddy hadn't died.

She played random notes and sang softly:

Daddy, I’m happy
That you are still alive.
Daddy, I love you,
I love you so much.
I love whenever Margie licks you.
I love you, Daddy, when the trees have different color leaves.
Daddy, I like it when you brush my teeth.
Daddy, I’m happy you’re not going to die in this song.
Daddy, I love you so much.

Steve and Katie, the morning of her baptism, September 2005


Jan Reynolds said...

What an amazing, beautiful and profoundly simple song... Awesome...

DogBlogger said...

Do you know about blogstones? They are for when you don't know what to write, but you want the blogger to know you were here, and that what you read had an impact on you:


Cathy Frye said...

I have no words. But she most certainly does. Wow.

saharris said...

Katie understands.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Tyra for continuing to share your story, feelings, ongoing ups/downs. I feed off your strenght; my father passed away Oct 8th to liver cancer. Your words are so uplifting and while real...they also provide us all with comfort; as it does to you. My daughter is 5 1/2, an like Katie she talks all the time about her Abuelo Luis being in Heaven. Kids are resilient and sometimes people (such as the PA) don't give them enough credit.

God Bless you and your kids :)

From your neighbor in QM

Laura said...

That PA clearly doesn't know kids. My 4-year-old is probably more in tune with my emotions and what's going on than any of my other children, though they are quite in touch, too. I love Katie's song. She's an amazing daughter, Tyra.

Anonymous said...

I love that picture of Steve and Katie. He did, too.

I always commented on how much she looked like her daddy. Especially the cheeks.

She clearly had him wrapped around her finger. And he loved it.

Thanks for sharing her sweet song.

It brought tears to my eyes. I miss Steve so much, and I always enjoy hearing stories about him and about each of you.

Feel better! Talk to you soon, Lori

Chitnis and Chahal said...

Katie definitely has more understand and insight than any 4 year old I know. But as you said, she has been going through this for half her life. She is going to be an awesome friend for you when she grows up, she is that already. I wish I could take this away for you guys and bring Steve back. I know so many of us would love to do that. :(