48 Acts of Kindness (3)

Will in McKinney:

Free DART rides on Steve. All aboard the Damm Express! 

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Janet in Plano:

The fourth grade teachers are getting cinnamon sugar for breakfast in honor of your husband. 

There's a kinder teacher who's starting her Friday with some sprinkles in honor of your sweet Steve. 

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Laura in Seneca, S.C.:

Started off by letting Case give my Clemson ticket to his friend for tomorrow's game. ❤️ 🏈🐅More to come! #48actsofkindness#missyouSteve

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Michel, in Lille, France:

Unexpected free lunch for a friend.

Morning @ work

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Ria in Frisco:

Delivered Panera baked goods to the hardworking Fine Arts teachers at Pearson Middle School

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Amy in Little Rock:

Bought lunch for a friend, and having another friend over for supper and a movie I think Steve would've appreciated.

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JoAnn in Carrollton:

Brought cookies to two of the great folks who run the Animal Services and Adoption Center City of Carrollton, TX (I hope Steve loved chocolate chip cookies!) 

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Aunt Ami in Austin:

My first act of kindness today is an annual donation to The Bethany Church Food Pantry Fund administrated through Shepard of the Hills Christian Church here in Austin. I'll also be volunteering my time on the Saturday before Thanksgiving to help with delivering turkeys and food to the food pantry.

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Katrina in Frisco:

Pumpkin bread for the UT Dallas - Galerstein Women's Center staff, wish list books for a teacher, a big tip and a donation to the Stewpot kicks off our day of kindness. #dammkindness is dammfun!

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Amy in North Richland Hills:

Bought lunch for a stranger today.

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Megan in Frisco:

Starbucks for the wonderful kinder teachers at Robertson!!

48 Acts of Kindness (2)

Kathleen in Raleigh, N.C.:

Devin and I brought cookies to the awesome firefighters at Raleigh Fire Station 9 and enough carrots to share with Cekacia and all of the horses at Apex Equestrian Center

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Tamarah in Frisco:

Sweets for my coworkers at Baylor Aubrey.

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Shannon in Rockwall:

Purchased dog beds for our local shelter..... 🐶❤️

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Suzanne in Garland:

Both Lowell & I gave a large tip to our Sonic peeps at 2 different Sonics.

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Sauyee in Frisco:

Delivered to families in need

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Deborah in Frisco:

The person behind me in the drive thru is enjoying their free lunch.... loving this!!!

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Janet (and Marina) in Plano:

I got a fun text today from a friend who I met YEARS ago pre-Greta. I don't remember the last time I saw her or even talked to her. But...please look at the text I got earlier. ❤️

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Renee:

In Steve's memory, I am taking cupcakes to several people/organizations who serve our community everyday...often receiving only grumbling and complaints in return. Doing this reminds me of how grateful I am for each and every one of them!

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Cindy in Boston:

This morning I brought a bouquet of beautiful sunflowers to a couple not suspecting it. What a wonderful experience and honor to do in Steve's name.

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Uncle Jim in D.C.:

Treats for the office.

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Joe (University of Michigan Marching Band alum):

I bought a kid I mentor a book on beginning programming.

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Holly in McKinney:

Sent an email out to our company inviting them to enjoy 2 dozen kolaches this morning in honor of Steve's bday & shared a little about him & 48 Acts of Kindness. 💜 

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Kanya in Frisco:

Dropped off some treats for the sweet volunteers working the polling booths in honor of Steve! 

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Aunt Cheryl in Pflugerville:

A donation to the Austin Food Bank in Steve's name

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Alyssa in Plano/Frisco:

Tiffs Treats for the fabulous office staff, counselors and admin at Cobb Middle School!

Sonic drinks for the ILA department! 

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Janet in Frisco:

Paid for the two cars behind us in the drive-thru line in honor of Steve <3 span="">

48 Acts of Kindness (1)

Shari in Lucas:

Happy birthday, Steve! Thinking of y'all today! Ryder and I delivered Max's Donuts to Allen's Finest! This is my favorite day! Hugs! I know each act brings a smile to your beautiful face!

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Usha in Frisco:

Dropped off Sonic drinks to some of the admin staff at Pearson this morn!

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Jennifer in Frisco:

I made gift bags for my three friends and colleagues with whom I work. I also left Starbucks gift cards on 2 random cars in the Bledsoe teachers' parking lot.

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Karen in Carrollton:

Delivered cat food to the Carrollton Adoption Center. 

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Deborah in Frisco:

These two men fixed my son's dented trombone on the spot, no rental or loaner needed, so they get a bit of kindness too.

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Jasmine in Frisco:

Delivered donuts to the Book Fair volunteers and books to teachers☺

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Rae in Carrollton:

I bought this lady her groceries at Aldi! She was thrilled and going to pay it forward!

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Cyndi in Carrollton:

A treat left on a random desk at work.

Bought breakfast for random person/patient family at Children's.

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Kathy in Carrollton:

The two women that work in the front office at Furneaux Elementary were each given a Sprouts gift card along with the 48 Acts of Kindness note. They were very surprised, as this was their second gift of the day in honor of Steve.  They wanted to learn more, which was a chance for me to tell them about your family and your kind hearts.  J They were touched by your story.  

Coming next Friday: 48 Acts of Kindness

My favorite day is a week away!

A quick reminder:
1. Perform an act of kindness in memory of Steve on Nov. 4.
2. Leave the note, explaining the special day. (Click here for the note.) (Click here for a page with four copies.)
3. Take a photo if you can/like and send me your story. (Email me at tyradamm@gmail.com. Text me at 972-489-4344. Or post on the Facebook page.)
4. I'll share your story and photo (with your permission) on the blog.

Need some inspiration? Read about previous years:

Buy subway cards for tourists
Donate to the Red Cross
Make soup for a neighbor
Give food to a family in need
Say thank you to your garbage collectors
Help a colleague
Take breakfast to the office
Say thank you to a nurse
Leave a generous tip

Getting ready for 48 Acts of Kindness

In 15 days, we'll celebrate Steve's birthday with 48 Acts of Kindness! I can't wait!

You can a leave a note behind. Click here for a copy of the note to print. Click here for a page with four notes (in case you're feeling extra generous and mischevious on Nov. 4!)

Need some inspiration? Look no farther than ideas from the past five years:

Leave breakfast for co-workers

Leave gift cards at a register for the next shopper (or two or three)

Donate to one of your favorite nonprofits (Hello, Birthday Party Project!)

Send flowers to a friend

Deliver treats to a fire station

Surprise a hard-working stranger with a gift

Organize the lost-and-found at your neighborhood school

Pay for a stranger's gas

Clean trash in your neighborhood

Pay for the person behind you

Deliver cookies to nurses

Leave a surprise for your mail deliverer

Help someone pack their car with groceries

Treat your crossing guards

48 Acts of Kindness

On Nov. 4 this year, we will celebrate 48 Act of Kindness -- our family's way to honor Steve's birthday. Cooper, Katie and I look forward to sharing Steve's joyful, slightly mischievous spirit with friends and strangers, and we hope you will join us!

One list can't possibly do justice to the thousands of acts of kindness performed each year in Steve's memory. A small sampling:

Leave treats/drinks for lifeguards at your pool
Pay for coffee for the person behind you
Make a donation to your favorite nonprofit
Deliver breakfast to coworkers
Surprise your local firehouse or police station with treats
Make care packages for the homeless
Yield to drivers on a busy street
Open doors for dozens of strangers
Buy groceries for a stranger
Leave a generous tip

Check back each week until Nov. 4 for more ideas and a card you can leave behind when you perform your act of kindness!

A whole lot of a prayer and a big change

Steve and I started attending Holy Covenant United Methodist Church in Carrollton in early 2000.

It was about two miles from our first home. The people were incredibly friendly. We loved the messages and the music and programs.

It was the perfect fit for us.

When we moved to Frisco in 2002, we briefly -- and I mean for about 30 seconds -- considered finding a church home closer to home. But we were at home at Holy Covenant. Our roots were already deep.

Holy Covenant is where both children were baptized. Where they attended preschool. Where I taught Sunday school to third-graders and middle-school kids and teenagers and adults. Where Steve sang in the choir and played trumpet. Where he was chair of trustees. Where I served for more committees and VBS summers than I can count. Where I served as preschool board chair and lay leader. Where Cooper performed in musicals and piano recitals and was confirmed.

It's the home where almost every single adult knows Cooper and Katie -- not just their names but their life story. Holy Covenant is filled with people who knew and loved Steve and who loved on us while he was ill and took care of us when he died and who hugged me when I needed it most.

It's a family that doesn't just talk about social justice -- they live it. It's the family that encourages Katie each year to share her talents and raise money for the causes she believes in.

It's where Steve's memorial bench sits, engraved with his name and birth year and death year and Micah 6:8, our family verse.

I've never "lived" in one place so long in my whole life. Never.

Yet ...

I've been a single mom for seven years now. I work full time, I freelance write and edit, and I tutor students on the side. I drive Cooper and Katie all over town. I volunteer when I can (which isn't much).

All this time, we've been able to faithfully attend Sunday morning worship services and Sunday school. I've been able to attend some evening meetings. But I simply couldn't fit in roundtrip drives for choir practices and youth group activities.

Cooper and Katie desperately wanted to participate, and I desperately wanted to make it happen, but there's only one of me and 24 hours in a day. And they already have their own full schedules.

They also wanted to have friends at church who they might see during the week at school. That wasn't happening with our Carrollton church friends.

After months and months of prayer and many tears, we decided as a family in May to start visiting the Methodist church that's about two miles from our Frisco home.

We've tried almost every worship service (except Saturday nights -- just haven't embraced that yet). We each have a favorite. Cooper and Katie are attending youth on Sunday afternoons and sometimes during the week. Katie has started confirmation classes. I'm attending the parent confirmation class. (As a bonus, Grandma and Papa are visiting and singing in the choir, too!)

The mission and message of Grace Avenue fit our family.

We know a few members already because they've been our neighbors and friends for years. We're slowly meeting new people.

Not a single person there knows us like our Holy Covenant family. They don't remember toddler Katie yelling, "Hi, Daddy!" from the pews as he stood in the choir loft. They don't know to ask Cooper about his path to Eagle Scout. They don't know why certain hymns make me tear up or smile.

There's not a Steve bench on which the children sit every Sunday morning for a photo.

Change is tough. But we are tough, too.

Youth choir of Grace Avenue United Methodist Church

This morning, on World Communion Sunday, Cooper and I sat near our dear friends Katrina and Jay while Katie stood in the choir loft for the first time. She lifted her voice with the youth choir to sing "In Remembrance of Me."

I like to think of Steve saying, "Hi, KT!" as he spots her in the choir loft. I know that he'd totally support the choice we've made to change our church home. I know that we can always visit Holy Covenant. I know that Holy Covenant will always live in our hearts, even as we build new relationships.

Katie, first row, second from right

Continuing the narrative

I'm a storyteller. It's one of the reasons I became a writer and editor. It's one of the reasons I'm passionate about reading. It's one of the reasons I love teaching.

The stories we read or watch usually have a beginning, middle and end. And then we move on.

Our life story -- that's a whole different story. There are multiple plot lines developing at once. Some end, never to be visited again. Others pick back up days, weeks, years later. Some are a continuous thread with unpredictable peaks, plateaus and valleys.

Our family's story drastically changed in the early morning of Labor Day seven years ago. Steve, who had exceeded expectations his whole life, survived brain cancer longer than expected. He took his final breath on Sept. 7, 2009.

I know myself. I could have let Labor Day become a burden. I could have been stuck playing that Labor Day narrative in my head my whole life.

And, to be honest, every year about this time, the whole story comes back to me. I think of how much pain he was in at the end, how gentle Cooper and Katie were with him, how we had adapted to people in and out of our home. Still, today, it takes my breath away to recall our story and think of how much we all miss him.

I didn't want our family to be burdened forever by Labor Day weekend, so we've continued the narrative.

Since 2010, we have on Labor Day weekend ...

visited friends in Michigan and attended a game at the Big House,

visited friends in Southern California,

attended the 2012 Michigan-Alabama game in Arlington,

toured Washington, D.C., with Uncle Jim,

relaxed in Oklahoma,

explored Harpers Ferry, W.V., and 

cheered for the Baltimore Orioles (they beat the Yankees on Saturday night).

We have surrounded ourselves with love, and we have enjoyed some of Steve's favorite pastimes and places. We have forged our own new adventures -- ones that Steve, too, would have loved.

I am praying for peace for our little family this week, especially on Wednesday, the seven-year anniversary, and I am thankful for those who continue to love and support us. Our story continues.

From Katie's 2nd-grade journal (rediscovered today)

Translated: I had a problem about my Dad. He had a tumor. When he went to the hospital, the doctors tried to take it out. They could not. So he got special care. One day my cousins and my aunt were at my house and my Dad died. 

***

Though the topic is tragic, I am so thankful for this record of what Katie remembers about Steve, three years after his death. Her abbreviated version reveals what mattered most to her at he time: her dad, the people who cared for him and the love that surrounded him and all of us when he died. 

This is always a rough season for me. August 2009 was when Steve felt the very worst. He was in pain, he had lost all mobility, his independence was gone.

But he was loved beyond measure. And he was approaching peace about his waning days. 

The rest of Katie's second-grade journal offers joyful memories -- parasailing in Florida, seeing The Lion King on Broadway, riding a train on the Sharkarosa field trip, reading at the library. Steve didn't get to experience these moments with his KT, but it's the life he wanted for her and for Coop and for me. 

1993

Something I miss about Steve right now: 1993.

Well, I miss talking to him about 1993.

I graduated from the University of North Texas in May that year. I was barely 21, barely 100 pounds. I somehow graduated in four years, while working two or three jobs each semester. I had no debt (save a balance on the Discover Card that I signed up for freshman year and used to help pay for books and gas and food when I came up short some weeks). Life at home for me was strained at best.

I was a very tired 21-year-old.

My first "real" job was at the Bryan-College Station Eagle. I was first a copy editor and then the food editor on the lifestyles desk. I started at $7.25 an hour and eventually moved up to $7.50 an hour.

I lived with Steve, who was renting a duplex in Brenham, where he worked as an assistant practice manager at a medical office.

He worked days, and I worked nights on the copy desk. I worked weekends. He worked Monday through Friday. 

On the weekends, he would often drive to Bryan to have dinner with me. During the week, he would often come home for lunch.

He tried to teach me how to drive a standard transmission on his little blue Pontiac Sunbird. (I never could get the hang of it.) 

We learned to grocery shop together. (I remember Karo syrup was difficult to find, and a sweet older woman helped us locate the aisle.) We learned to cook together. (We burned a chocolate pecan pie, for which we had procured that elusive Karo.)

During the day, after Steve had gone to work and before I left for the 45-minute drive to Bryan, I would read (memorably my first reading of East of Eden), listen to music (Joe Jackson, 10,000 Maniacs, Elvis Costello), write long letters to friends. And I would nap. I had four years of sleep to catch up on.

I don't know what I would have done without Steve in the last half of 1993 -- and all the years following. 

It's been almost seven years without him. Cooper, Katie and I find joy every day. We've adapted. We've learned how to operate as a family with only one adult at home. All three of us make sacrifices for one another. It's been a long, long time since all three of us were feeling lowly at the same time.

I don't dwell on our loss.

But there are moments -- when I see that copy of East of Eden on my desk, when I hear "These Are Days," when I notice bottles of Karo on a grocery shelf -- when I think of 1993. And I wish that the two of us could reminisce and that I could thank him one more time for his strength, stability and generosity.